Birds and Fish and Zombies?

This post was originally posted on 01/04/11 on my first blog, Soppin' Biscuits.  Since I decided two blogs would be best, I wanted to move this to Awkward Amusement because it fits the "vibe" of this blog a little better!  I will also be posting about our first camping trip soon...so since I packed and prepared for the apocalypse before camping, I thought this was a good read before I post the new one!

This is my first ever blog post. Being the new year and the start of my "blogging," I have pondered writing about resolutions, my background, how much diets suck, the general "goings on" of Rob and I; however, I want to write about the recent news of dead birds and fish. Yes...this is probably a disease or a natural freak show sponsored by our crazy weather. But...being a fan of horror films, I can think of about ten films that have this type of situation somewhere in the plot. I love these movies; they are the scariest type of horror film because you think "What would I do?" after you watch them. Most notable are movies involving a government mishaps (The Crazies), the end of the world, and my favorite...zombies.
Two summers ago, one of my students wrote her research paper on the idea that the world would end in 2012. My student used a source that listed the situations to prepare for and the site even sold "End of the World Party Kits." I listed several of my personal survival tips on my Facebook page that I will add to the end of this post for fun. Like every conspiracy theory and disaster or tragedy that happens in the world, I became occupied with how I would survive the situation. This is also something that Rob and I talk about after EVERY movie that we see
One particular survival discussion that Rob and I had stands out to me; this conversation occurred after we saw Zombieland (which is hilarious and one of my favorites). Rob made the comment that he didn't think that I would be able to hang if we had to flee our home due to zombies or, you know, the apocalypse. I was totally offended. I said "Lucy and I will be able to keep up just fine." I plan to put Lucy in a papoose and carry her in the event of a zombie attack, by the way. His reply, "I would let you come....when you start slowing me down, I will snap your neck and eat you." This is one of my favorite stories to tell people, and trust me, he was dead serious. And we vowed to shoot one another if either of us became a zombie...I would probably secretly keep Rob chained up in a shed with an XBox like Shaun does Ed in Shaun of the Dead; he will be a zombie and will never know if I do that! We agree that I would probably bring items that would not help our cause, like a "Zombie Mix" CD, and I would want to update my Facebook status regularly. I did just finish reading Under the Dome by Stephen King, so I am going to start stockpiling propane. Surely the knowledge we both have from years of horror films will keep us alive if the bird/fish situation manifests into something crazy. Another positive we have on our side now is Rob's new machete that he got during Dirty Santa at the Martin Family Christmas this year (photo to follow).
We all know that recently the guy who predicted the end of the world via the Mayan calendar changed his mind and moved the "end of the world" forward 50 years...lucky us. So, we can put that off for a little while. Hopefully, this crazy bird/fish situation will be explained and we all don't go "Walking Dead" from drinking the water. So, I guess that zombies go along with the little messes of life that you can sop up easier with a machete and your favorite zombie mix tape...here are my survival tips from Facebook...they were a hit; I guess I should keep adding to them! Enjoy!
Megan's 2012 Survival Tips:
1. Some predict that there will be a "rise of the machines" (think Terminator, decepticons, or a really evil Johnny 5). I suggest building special relationships with your appliances immediately, like a plant or pet. When you start to feel like your blender is turning on you, go Office Space on it.
2. In the event of tidal waves, have a flotation device ready. I suggest a brightly colored one with a cup holder. You will be rescued easier and can have a cocktail as you float. Or a raft shaped like Shamu or a gator; this will lighten the mood for your friends and repel any dangerous marine creatures.
3. Many firestorms ("a storm in which violent winds are drawn into the column of hot air rising over a severely bombed area") may occur. You can imagine how uncomfortable this will be. Therefore, have handy a tank top, hot pants and roller skates. You stay cool and can out-skate any blasts of flames.
4. In the event of asteroids or NEO's (near earth objects) hitting the earth, "If you live near a cave system, you may want to go and set up a temporary shelter there." Obviously. Once you are secure in your cave, light a fire at the opening. This will prevent animals from entering the cave. Though living in harmony with the animals may seem appealing during the apocalypse, remember, the wolverines and bears are going to be just as hungry as we are!